Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Tales From the Sock Drawer: The Shampoo O' Plenty

Not all the things in my sock drawer are creatures.  Some are inanimate objects.  Take for example my magic shampoo.  I've been washing my hair with the same bottle since the summer of 2009.  That's three whole years!  And it's not like I skimp on the stuff, yet whenever I pick it up it always manages to remain about one third full.

I've asked my pharmacist for his take and he has no explanation.  Me, I'm beginning to wonder if it has a wormhole inside it connected to a giant shampoo vat.  Either that, or I happened to pick up some kind of magical shampoo o' plenty.  I suppose its possible somebody is playing a trick on me, and pouring some back in when I'm not watching, but that would just be weird.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Tales from the Sock Drawer: Sasha the Skidmark Seer

I am, by nature, rather mystical, so when I discovered a psychic had moved into my sock drawer, I decided to seek her out.  I was in for a bit of a shock, though.  Turns out Sasha is a skidmark seer, meaning for $40 she will read the pooey marks on your underwear.

Fortunately, I am what is known as a pooey person, and after handing her a suitably decorated pair, I sat back and waited for her to weave her magic. What she told me left me disappointed.  Not only did she get my occupation wrong, (she said I was unemployed when in fact I am a writer) and get the names of my parents mixed up (my dad's the one named Jim) but she told me I eat too much cereal as well.

I don't want to say she turned me into a skeptic, but that morning at least, we both walked away thinking the other was full of shit.